i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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