She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
