I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
