Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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