i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
