some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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