Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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