i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
