Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
