my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
