I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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