Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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