I heard we made out
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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