I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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