I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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