there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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