I wish my penis had an off switch
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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