Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
