no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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