That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
