Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's Friday. Sex?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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