We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
