i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
