K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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