my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
