her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
