Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
