I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
