I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
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i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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