HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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