it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
