I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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