Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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