I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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