He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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