So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize