bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
