So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
