okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
