Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
