i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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