I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
