You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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