Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
