I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
