Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
