$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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