im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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