Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
