i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
