she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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