And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
