put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
