You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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