haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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