Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
