sarcasm needs its own font
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
