We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
