So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
