god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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