turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
