If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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