I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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