i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
