i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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