I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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