K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
