your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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