so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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