Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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