he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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